Parenting

Before Jill was born, I was cocky. I'd look at Matt and see how good-natured and happy he was and think, I've got this parenting thing down pat! Bring it on! Jill will be easy! Then Jill was born and everything I learned from Matt went right out the window. My kids could not be more different in terms of personality and temperament.

Matthew thrives on positive reinforcement and praise. He aims to please and tries very hard to be liked. Jillian has her own mind. She is very head-strong and independent likes to pretend that she doesn't care what you think. Positive reinforcement works to some degree with Jill, but if you want to accomplish anything with her, the best way to do it is to make it seem like it's her idea and on her terms. In other words, with Jill, I try to cater to her sense of pride in herself, and with Matt, he's more in tuned to making me proud of him.

Perfect examples of these are the way each of them potty-trained. With each of the kids, I PT'd on my terms. Yes, they were showing signs of being ready, but I kind of "encouraged" the process. Matt responded to lots of hand clapping, dancing around, and shouting! When I tried the same with Jill, she just stared at me like I had two heads. No, what worked with Jill was maintaining an aloof demeanor and making it seem like it was all her idea. When she was successful on the potty, her pride in herself was it's own reward, and I'd let her bask in that.

What it comes down to is that every child is different, and every child needs a custom-tailored parenting style to thrive. There is no "by the book" method that's going to work for every child. As educated as Dr. Sears and/or Dr. Ferber are, they do not know your child. The best thing that any parent can do for their child is throw out the books and use intuition and a great deal of love, patience and understanding.